Staying home alone at night, with sleep anxiety
After Drew graduated from Virginia Tech in December, he started a new job at a local hospital to start building up his hours for PA school applications. During the job search one of the things we agreed was a “must” was that he would only work day shifts - since this job category falls in a 7-7 3x/week rhythm. He was able to find the *perfect* job that works so well for our family, and is 7A-7P. BUT, because he’s cramming in as many hours as he possibly can, Drew started to pickup extra shifts here and there, and sometimes all that’s offered are night shifts.
Most of the time it’s worked out perfectly, where he only has to do 1 night shift every 2 weeks, and coincidentally I’ve been home in Maryland every time so far for my hydration infusions. This week, while we were both in Blacksburg, Drew picked up a night shift and I spent my first night alone overnight… ever.!!! That might not sound like a huge accomplishment, but as someone with a lot of anxiety with going to bed, this was a huge milestone for me. Some of the worst scenarios have happened to me in my sleep/in the middle of the night, and being at home without anyone else really freaks me out because, what if I need help or something happens? But, by the grace of God, we made it through! And fortunately Drew will only have to do a few more of these over the next couple months.
When I shared this accomplishment on my Instagram, I got a lot of feedback from people saying this seems impossible, they don’t know if they could handle it, and they also have alot of sleep/bedtime fear. SO I figured i’d come on and share some of the things I did that night that I think really helped and made a big difference.
I moved my pillow and favorite blankets to the couch and made a comfy, sleepover-style setup for myself. I stayed on the couch all night and never moved into the bed!
^In connection with staying on the couch, I never really told myself “Okay! Going to sleep now!” And I think that made a huge difference. Since there was no window of trying-to-sleep-but-not-being-able-to, the night all blended together. It made it feel like a long evening without Drew rather than a night sleeping alone. Obviously this isn’t something you can necessarily do if you have tasks the next day but since I don’t work, it was fine.
I turned on a comfort show of mine (Gossip Girl, duh) and made sure my “automatically play next episode” was turned on so it just kept running- even after I started getting sleepy and wasn’t paying attention.
I didn’t put Millie in her crate or have her sleep in her bed like we usually do at night- I had her up on the couch with me, nestled up right by my head! It brought me so much comfort
Since I was in the living room sleeping, not only was the TV running but I also had a dim lamp on in the other room, just to give me a slight light throughout the apartment.
I made sure my ringer was on high! I personally never have my ringer on, so this was something I intentionally did to tell myself “if anyone calls or anything happens elsewhere, you will hear your phone ring”
I pre-medicated with phenergan. Some of my scary times have been from dangerous cyclic vomiting cycles I didn’t know how to stop, throwing up things like feeding tubes, blood, etc while still half asleep, and even throwing up on my pillow because I wasn’t awake enough to make it out of bed. I took my FULL dose of phenergan before getting cozy on the couch to try and minimize the chances of something like that happening.
I know regardless of what you read, something like staying alone when you’ve had things go wrong at night is always going to feel daunting. I always tell my mom “I HATE nighttime, I hate going to bed, I wish I could sleep like a normal person”. It’s super difficult when it feels like the rest of the world can just close there eyes and have a restful night. But find encouragement that I was able to do it, and I’ll pray for you all that have been struggling that you’ll be able to get through nights like these.
LOVE,
Jaime