Thanksgiving Mourning

Today is Thanksgiving.

Today is meant for feeling FULL. The entire day revolves around a feast, and we’re expected to go to bed with stomachs so stuffed that we never feel like eating again. “Happy Thanksgiving” sounds weird to say, since nothing really about this holiday is “happy” for people like me. Food based holidays, especially Thanksgiving, are torturous.

Did you know approximately 340,000 people in the US are fed via feeding tubes or TPN (total parenteral nutrition)? Did you know this way of eating DOESN’T satisfy hunger? Not one bit. In the occasional case, there are people who run feeds and also eat orally. But in others, like myself, my only food is my formula. Since my formula goes into my jejunum, it doesn’t go into my stomach… leaving my stomach empty, and in the end doesn’t tell my body that i’m “eating”, so I never feel full. ever. In fact, my stomach still grumbles & growls, so much that it sucks my G tube inward, indenting my skin — people say this happens with G tubes (gastric tubes) because our bodies are literally trying to eat the tube.

If you’re in a similar position as I am today-and the rest of this holiday season- remember that YOUR WORTH IS NOT DETERMINED BY HOW YOU FEED YOURSELF, YOUR WORTH IT IN JESUS CHIRST : Romans 13:14, Proverbs 31:10, Zephaniah 3:17

Also, incase no ones given you permission today, YOU DON’T HAVE TO SIT AT THE TABLE!! For years I toughed it out during the holidays to make my family happy. I would sit for an hour+ while everyone ate, occasionally contributing to the conversation but, for the most part, just sitting and staring into space… Because it’s hard. But then I realized that’s dumb. You just do what’s best for you today! Don’t sit at the table and watch everyone else have fun. Go for a walk, watch a movie upstairs, literally anything else. I’m skipping Thanksgiving, staying away from all the meals! Today is all about the Macy’s Day Parade and moving all my holiday tartan to my upstairs closet!

P.S. In the spirit of thankfulness, i’m thankful for you guys and all your support over the last few years!