Taking care of while being taken care of by my dad

Spring has SPRUNG over here and my mom spent the morning planting some new blooms in the front garden. This weather always makes me nostalgic for the days back when I played softball. We were at the fields practically all weekend, and my parents would come and camp out with the dog to watch my games (I was never very good, but I liked my teammates haha).

This spring looks a liiiittle different. About a month ago, we got home from our spring break cruise, and my dad was having pain in his chest. He went through the emergency room, and ended up having to have spinal surgery to replace 2 & 1/2 vertebrae that had been eaten away by cancer.

Lot of big news packed into 2 sentences, right? Well that’s kinda how it felt. Within 24 hours, we found out my dad had cancer, that it had dissolved 2.5 of his vertebrae, he got emergency spinal surgery, and woke up in a neck brace with a breathing tube in the ICU.

But, here’s the thing about my dad. It’s been four weeks and three days since his surgery, and he’s hardly taking any tylenol, moving about the house like a champ, only wears his neck brace if he’s in the car or walking outside the house, and is praising God everyday, to everyone he sees, about the miracle He performed.

My dad has been working his whole life, and being forced to sit at home in front of the TV is definitely out of his comfort zone, but he’s still unable to turn/twist/bend his neck and back for another few weeks, and even then i’m sure it’ll take a little while for him to regain strength. In terms of the cancer, he was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, a blood cancer, and started chemo last week. He will be going most Tuesdays through October.

Having worked M-F since, well forever, we’ve always been close, but never had THIS MUCH bonding time. So it’s safe to say there’s been an adjustment period. It’s kind of a weird dynamic, since there are things for both of us that we’re unable to do ourselves, but the other can. For instance, if my dads neck pillow falls behind the couch, it’s really difficult for him to pick it up off the ground, but I can get it for him. Or, if I need something from upstairs, it would take me 5+ minutes to crawl up, and then scoot my way back down, but his legs are working fine! So he can just march right up there and bring it back to me- easy breezy!

I’ve also gained a point of perspective being home with him as he recovers. There have been times over the past several years where I get REALLY down because of certain aspects of my life I can’t necessarily do anything about (i.e. hating being home all day but being too sick to go out, or struggling to take all of my medications because the thought of pills just makes me sick) but being with my dad as he struggles with the same things has been an odd comfort to me. Like, its confirmed my frustrations. All of this has also been a great reminder of the strengths and abilities I DO still have. I can bend my back, turn my neck, and look at the ground. I will never take those three things for granted again.

We went to get his haircut the other day and when he told the girl about all of this she looked at me and said, “Your turn to take care of him now, huh?” without even knowing how accurate that was. My mom and dad have been taking care of me for years now, and although my mom is obviously his primary caretaker, it’s my turn to do everything I can to help her out. So the tables have really turned. Which at times can be kinda weird, taking care of the person who’s whole life’s job it is to take care of you. I’m definitely in a unique position, being at an age old enough to fully comprehend everything that’s happening and experience all the joys and sorrows along with it, yet have so little responsibilities outside of the house that i’m able to camp out on the couch with him all day and be right there in it.

I’m thankful for this time I get to spend with my dad while he’s home, and especially in this time he can’t drive himself because chauffeuring him around has been a riot haha. I’m sure this time next year i’ll be a little nostalgic thinking about watching car shows all day with my dad- him in his neck brace and me on my enteral feeding pump, & taking our meds together before bed.

This weird little life of mine.

Prayer requests:

For dad- that chemo continues to go smoothly, that his back pain dissipates, more restful nights

For mwa- reduced nausea (it’s been at an all time high lately), that my iron levels would increase, and my upcoming treatment plan would become more clear

Our family has felt so much love.