A couple weeks ago, someone I think very highly of told me he was jealous of the perspective I now have on life. Jealous? How could you be jealous of this? I hurt and I shake and i'm almost completely reliant on other people. I must've asked myself this question for days. It didn't make sense. To me, being jealous of something meant you wanted it. He wanted this? He could have it.

Not long after, I was in Target with my mom. we were having a fun little shopping trip, looking at pillows for the living room. I was wearing my favorite pair of J.Crew jeans & my side-braid sperry loafers, and had just downed an XL blue raspberry slurpee. I pick up this super fuzzy blanket (target's specialty, in my opinion), and as i'm bringing it over to show my mom, I realize it's soaking wet. UHM EW! GROSS! Yeah, then I looked down, and the blanket was blue.

HAHA MY TUBE OPENED UP AND MY SLURPEE WAS POURING OUT OF ME ONTO THIS BLANKET. AND MY FAVORITE JEANS. AND MY CUTE SHOES. AND THERE WAS KIND OF A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR SO IT LOOKED LIKE I HAD JUST PEED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PILLOW SECTION (but not actually because it was blue?)

Go figures. It wouldn't have been a day unless something absurd happened with my robotic stomach accessory. So my mom sprints over to the bath isle and brings back a towel to soak up some of the disaster. Once it was all settled (keep in mind my jeans and shoes were still soaked in blue sugar) my mom starts to get set to leave! Seriously? i wanted to stay! We were shopping.

My mom kind of laughed to herself and shook her head a little bit. "Not the worst thing that's ever happened to you I guess!” She was SO right.

My life, you guys, is a series of random messes. I carry around a bag filled with gross smelling liquid, and a lot of the time, the cap comes off. I have a hole in my abdomen that gets all nasty and sometimes the cover will pop open or i'll be injecting my medicine and i'll miss the little port & my medication will just pour down to my waist. I thought back to what my friend said, and I guess I might be jealous of that too.

It seems unfathomable now..that i’ve conquered the fears of my old self. Three years ago, I would have been mortified. I would've gone into full-on 'take me home' mode. Now? That's nothing. Things like colonoscopies/endoscopies, getting blood drawn, big meetings with new doctors, they don't scare me anymore. I guess most of that is because it's all become so routine, but still..wow. And it's not just medical stuff, i'm not really scared of much of anything these days.

The other day we were on the beach, and my mom saw this grown man who was also part robot! I actually ended up going over and asking him some questions- something i never would have done before. And this winter I stressed and stressed and stressed over finding one pieces to wear to the beach, but once summer came around, with a few persuading words (& I quote my mama), "wear it loud and proud." What do I care if people around me stare or think I look weird? I don't know them, it doesn't make any difference to me.

For the first 4 months or so, I never shared with people about my condition. I’m still picky about who I choose to fully open up to, but it's basic knowledge to know that I don't eat. If I want relationships with people, I have to share some of what i'm going through, even if they can't relate to it.

That was not the mindset I had before this tube!

I have this shirt, my mom got it for me, and across the front it reads, "I have unstoppable strength that comes from within." Well, I do! I have unstoppable strength that comes from inside of me, but that strength inside of me is coming from God!

One of the most popular verses on the planet, philippians 4:13, says "I can do all things through him who gives me strength” and I can! Watch me!